Redrum redrum redrumPoor Paula. She just can't get it right. I guess after being married to a stallion like Emilio Estevez the others just pale in comparison.

But there was one stand-out. It wasn't the clothes that he wore, or the car that he drove. It was those berzerker eyes: big, bright blue, and staring like they can just bore right into your brain like a laser beam. Well, maybe they're not that bad, but they're still somewhat alarming. His mouth may be smiling (kind of), but his eyes are chucking you into the wood chipper. Brrr.

Apparently JT is as creepy as he looks. After dating for less than a year, Paula decided to break things off in March. JT, however, doesn't seem to get it, and has been pummeling Paula with repeated calls, text messages and is even showing up at her door, unannounced and uninvited. Paula even said he tried to kick the door in. He's also tailing her around town and shows up wherever she goes. That's scary. I hope she sticks to her guns and keeps him at a distance. She might be nuttier than granola, but this guy sounds like he could be dangerous.

Have you seen the size of that thing?!?Shanna can be kind of wild and wacky, but she's not a woman to mess with. Paris Hilton learned that when she got thumped by Shanna after pictures of her with Travis appeared online. But Paris wasn't Travis' only cheap lay; Wonky's sidekick, Kim Kardashian, also had a thing for him, and Shanna still has the emails to prove it.

Shanna and Kim bumped into each other recently at Carmen Electra's BBQ. In an interview with The Dirty, Shanna tells how she "saw what I thought was a donkey posing on the stairs but much to my surprise, it was Kim Kardashian. No, wait, it was a donkey! Shes soooo f*cking fat! Shes 52 and shes like 140. She was wearing a sarong to cover her huge big ass! I like a nice ass but hers is not a nice ass!"

Wow. Not necessarily breaking news, but such refreshing honesty! Shanna's first instinct was just to leave, but she stayed long enough to call the dirty sow a whore (am I being redundant?) repeatedly and throw her drink in her face. If that wasn't enough, Kim and her boyfriend, Reggie Bush, were then asked to leave the party. Ha!

To read the entire interview, click here. It's not that long, but well worth it. I'd love to see them in a steel cage match.

Now that's a growler!... if you work at an animal shelter or pet store. But what they really did to Sienna's kitty is just kinda creepy. That line about being historically correct is horseshit: The landing strip is not something new. If they left the original carpeting in the naked shot they simply had to have, I doubt anyone would have noticed. Seeing Sienna naked, after all, is hardly anything new.

But I guess because she thinks she's Someone she feels she can throw her weight around and blow a hissy fit any time the paps catch her little boy tits exposed ... which seems to be quarterly. Frontless, backless, tactless, it's all the same to this pretty little bitch with neither heart nor conscience.

And now she's stateside. Having alienated every single friend she had in London when she dumped Rhys Ifans, she's said to be looking for a new home in the LA area. It won't be long before she gets bored with Balthazar Getty, even if he is worth a gazillion dollars. She's a big star now, or so she thinks. She has yet to have a box office smash like real actresses like Reese Witherspoon or Julia Roberts. She's just another trashy little tart who has confused tabloid success with real achievement. Let's see where she is in five years - and what she looks like.

The Hills girlsOh the drama! And what do you know! Stephanie Pratt has alterior motives! Because it made complete sense to me that she did a total 180 and befriended her brother's enemy. Also, I think Lauren asks for this drama by being friends with people who turn out to be fame whores. Though of course she may not entirely be to blame. Her producers may have something to do with it even though it is "reality." Apparently this season, everyone starts dating really hot guys that turn out to be flaky, Heidi brings her less cute sister into the mix and what do you know? Spencer doesn't care for her. Usually he is so warm and accepting. Brody gets arrested and Lauren dates apparently the only guy in LA because Stephanie dates him too. Does anyone else exist out there? Oh and Lo and Audrina finally have it out! Wonderful!

Oh dear lordHow does and Heidi and Spencer going to Iraq do anything for the troops. How does this benefit them? What are they going to do? Show off their amazing pantomime skills? Like here they are pantomiming eating while actually eating. I don't think they understand the meaning of pantomime. But seriously, I think it will depress our troops if they see this is what they are fighting for.